Nowhere is safe

Woke up with a sick feeling in my stomach again. I've had trouble falling asleep the last few nights. Today is one of those days that I thought was so far off and now it's finally here and I'm definitely not a fan. When I was writing in my actual journal the other night I wrote this:

I feel like I don't know where to go anymore. I have no "home-base" or safe place to go. Not home, not school, not here. Nowhere is safe. I feel alone in both places, here and SAU. I just don't know which is worse. Being here where I'm physically removed...wait, but I'm not. Is the alone-ness I'm feeling here, better? Everything chases me here, and it does there too but...gosh! I can't even articulate what I'm thinking! Here, it's chasing me and getting closer each day. There, it's even closer it seems. My heart is beating faster the more I think and write about it. My head hurts. I feel like screaming. Do I belong anywhere? Where am I safe? Where is my home?

If I was known by someone...would I feel less alone? Would I feel more safe or less? Would I feel more comfortable in my own skin? What would it look like to open that container thats been sealed as tight as could  be for so long? It's eating at me, it has been for a while now and I don't now how much longer I can take it.