Closeness from miles away

Side note:

This thought just came in. I think part of what I'm struggling with now too is that I felt much closer to people while I was 2,000+ miles away. Conversation was better, deeper. I knew what was going on in their lives because we felt a constant need to keep each other "in the loop." Now...I go about my day-to-day and I'm almost afraid to ask the deep questions. To talk about the important stuff in this context because they (parentals, Joe and Laura) have told me that it's not "normal" for those types of conversations to happen all the time. And yeah, I'm not expecting it to happen all the time, but it's so sad to me that I feel more distant now than I did while I was in California. It doesn't make much sense. I need to process this some more.

I just felt like I heard "I love you" more and I knew that they were always thinking of me and that when we'd talk I'd have their full attention. We always made special time to have conversations with just the 3 of us. Now...once the kids are in bed it's like chill time and I don't feel like they want to have a conversation with me. And I don't know how to ask for it. It's like, I don't want to be any more of an inconvenience than I already feel that I am. Plus, I don't get hugs anymore. That's a huge downer that's really hard for me. I don't like it. I can't fix it. Everything just feels messed up and it's frustrating. What am I supposed to do? How do I talk about this with them? Because it's driving me insane and I feel that it needs to be addressed. I just don't know what to do about it because I feel that every time I bring something up that I want or feel that I need, it's like saying what they have done and are doing isn't enough for me. That they have failed me in some way when that's not the case at all. Or even worse, that they can't give me what I'm looking for while I'm here but they could give that to me while I was away. Ugh. I don't know. It's all so confusing and I don't know how to talk about it. More thinking to do I suppose....