I've been having these intense nightmares the last few nights. I finally fall asleep after trying so hard to calm down my mind and before I know it I'm up again, clenching my pillow, sweating, heart pounding, afraid to fall asleep again.
Does this mean anything? I'm no expert on dreams or what they mean, what they don't mean, etc. but I do find it kind of ironic with where I am in life right now. I don't get it. I don't know how to make it stop. So, I sit in bed waiting for myself to calm down, the adrenaline to stop rushing, my heart to stop pounding...
I hold my pillow as I stare at the ceiling saying, "God where are you? Why don't you just SHOW UP?! Come on! Give me something here...please? What do I need to do for you to come to me? Won't you just scoop me up, take me away, please? Just let me know I'm safe for once. Am I asking too much here? Please, won't you just show up?!"
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