The language of missing

So today was yet another rough day at the ranch. I don't like it here, many more days like this and I don't think I'm going to stay. I'm really missing people. More than I ever have experienced before and it's painful. I don't like the feeling. But there was a new spin put on my feelings today that I think is going to be important for me to remember.

Love is the language of missing. To truly miss someone means that I really love them, I value them and they are important to me. If I never missed them, that probably means that the relationship wasn't healthy or good for me. I deeply love those that I'm missing right now, and I must trust (to a certain extent) that they love me back. I've never known what this emotion has felt like and it's really throwing me. My heart hurts. I feel this so deeply that it's starting to consume me and it's making it really hard for me to give of myself here. Not to mention all other things that are consuming my mind from the past few weeks and months that make it so difficult to focus.

I sound like I'm complaining and using those things as a crutch. That's not what I want. I'm just trying to be honest about how I feel and not run from it this time. Facing things is hard, it's work, but it just might be worth it this time around.