I can hardly stand it

So yeah, I'm in San Diego...been here for 2 weeks. As beautiful as this place is and as much as there is to do here...it doesn't matter if you're alone.

Yes, I have a team of people. But I'm their boss, I can't be their good friend. There has to be an "appropriate distance" between them and me. The community here is fine, except that no one has really shown us any hospitality. I don't know anyone here. I feel so isolated and I want to go home. Today is my "day off" and I don't know what to do with it. I'm an introvert by nature, yeah, but too much alone time has not ever served me well. I find myself getting anxious, heart racing. Every time I go into the city I get lost and the people here aren't exactly friendly. I live in the Mexican ghetto, a scary place to be.

It's times like these when I get angry at God. Why did you send me here!? In your word, you say that I'm not alone...but when I talk to you, you never talk back! I'm listening, I've been sitting in silence for hours. Just say something. DO something. In all the times in my life when you could have stepped in and you didn't...now's your chance to make up for it. Just this one small thing. I don't want to feel alone. I don't want to be isolated. I'm sick of missing my family, my friends. I want to be around the people that know me and love me. Maybe these wounds were too fresh to venture out like this. Granted, it's only 3 months...but I'm dying here. Feels like I've been here forever.

I haven't lived in one place for longer than 9 months since I was 7 years old. I'm sick of moving, I'm sick of transition. I'm sick. I'm tired. I'm pissed off and depressed. I want to go home and God, I'm pissed off at you. I don't know why you do this shit to me, but I'm sick of it. Can't you hear me?! It feels like you always make it clear where you want me to go, but you're never in that place when I get there. Stop leaving me. I've had too many people in my life do that and I can't tolerate another one. Especially you. I'm so angry I can hardly stand it.